MANILA – Candy Pangilinan got candid as she talked about how her marriage unravelled roughly in just over a year since she and her former husband tied the knot.

In an interview with Toni Gonzaga for her latest vlog, Pangilinan shared that she was 31 when she married her then boyfriend, with whom she had a 10-year relationship.

“Even before kami kinasal, meron na akong mga nahuli,” she said referring to her ex’s illicit affairs. “Pero kasi ‘di ba, 'yung babae, feeling mo people change. Feeling ko a baby will save it kaya nag-decide ako mabuntis. So nabuntis ako, but no.”

Before giving birth, Pangilinan recalled how her ex told her that he would leave her after they welcomed their son.

“Sinasabi niya sa akin na iiwanan niya ako. Sinasabi naman niya sa akin. At least, nag-aabiso. In-inform ako,” she said in jest. “[Sabi niya] ’Kapag lumabas iyan, at least merong [souvenir].’ Hindi ko makakalimutan 'yun. I was very pregnant then.”

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With all the marital problems she had to deal with towards the latter part of her pregnancy, Pangilinan said working on the ABS-CBN show “Whattamen” at that time was the only thing that kept her sane.

But nothing stopped her then-husband from leaving her and their child.

“After a month I gave birth, umalis na nga siya. Hindi na siya umuwi. Nagpaalam naman siya sa akin. Sinabi niya mag-go-golf siya. Tapos hindi ko na alam kung anong butas ang tinira niya. Hindi na siya umuwi. Baka nakalaban niya si Tiger Woods. Hindi ako na-inform,” she said.

That brought her so much sadness that she sought the help of a psychologist.

“Kasi sinasabi ng ex ko before, baliw daw ako. 'Baliw ka kasi pinaghihinalaan mo akong may babae.' So, baliw ako? Kaya siya umalis kasi baliw ako? Pero feeling ko talaga, meron. So nagpa-check talaga ako sa doctor kung talagang baliw ako.”

When asked why she still fought to keep their marriage at the beginning, she said: “Alam mo 'yung minsan kasi when you get everything you want, feeling mo kontrolado mo. 'Hindi, kaya ko ito. Kaya ko ito.’ Para siyang laruan na hindi ko makuha. Naging challenge na. 'Tsaka in love ako, pinakasalan ko. Umabot ako sa, kailangan ko patawarin. Sabi sa Bible, patawarin ko ito.”

Aside from seeing a psychologist, Pangilinan said she also saw a spiritual counselor, and that’s when she realized a lot of things.

“There were so many signs in front of us pero dahil sa tigas ng ulo, dahil gusto natin, we still continue what we want even though God is sending us so many signs. Nandiyan na sa harapan mo, alam mo na eh. Pero ang tigas ng ulo mo. You don’t want to follow God’s will and God’s hand,” she said.

While it was unfortunate that her marriage failed, Pangilinan said she still considers it a blessing, believing it prepared her to face the situation of her son Quintin.

“Everything was a blessing. 'Yung hiwalayan, parang hinanda ako ni Lord. Binago niya 'yung pagkatao ko, 'yung mindset ko, 'yung perception ko about things para handa ako for Quintin,” she said, referring to the special needs of her son.

“Kasi dati feeling ko asawa ko 'yung diyos ko. Yung buhay ko sa kanya umiikot. Wala akong ginawa, para akong detective. Wala akong ginawa kundi magduda or magmatyag. I’ve realized na hindi ito 'yun. Kapag napapagod ka pala tapos in-offer mo lahat kay Lord, parang everything unfolds and becomes a miracle. Gumagaan. So nung dumating si Quintin at ito 'yung nilagay sa harap mo, may rason si Lord dito. Alam ko meron.”

Pangilinan believes if her son is not like Quintin who has special needs, she would still be living her life the way she used to.

“Baka nandoon pa rin ako sa dati kong buhay. Baka lumalabas pa rin ako. With all the affirmations I am getting, marami rin palang nanay ang dumadaan sa ganito. And they need the encouragement also and they need hope.”