A new acquaintance invited me for lunch.  I said yes thinking maybe we can discuss business opportunities, or it could be the start of a new friendship.  She also picked the restaurant, and we had a nice chat until her phone rang as we were almost finished.  She stood up, took the call outside, and so I waited for her to come back.  When she did, she thanked me for lunch and left in a hurry.

I was shocked at that less than graceful exit, and that she stuck me with the bill especially since she did the inviting plus she ate and drank more.  I had no choice but to pay.  The next time I saw her, she did not even apologize for running out on the bill.  Did she really think it was okay?

Sadly, there are many like her and for many years, I seem to be a magnet for them.  When I was ranting to friends, I learned I was not alone.  From old classmates, to office colleagues (both current and ex), to relatives (close and distant), somehow we all ended up paying because the waiting game got to us.  You know, that time when the breakfast, lunch or dinner is over, and someone should ask for the bill but no one wants to make the move?  And even if the bill came, no one was offering to pay?  It seems we were all shamed into just paying and get the agonizing wait over.

I don’t really mind picking up the tab once in a while, but I do mind doing it almost all the time.  These days, I still treat family and friends, but only when I want to.  Here’s how I put a stop to hurting my wallet.

#1 Ask so you will know

When going out with big groups, why not ask ahead if you can pay for your share via bank transfer?  It’s a subtle way of getting the group to realize you are all paying your own way, and for someone to step up and either say “it’s my treat” or “I’ll pay first and collect after”. By asking, the worse that can happen is you all split the bill equally, even if you ate less and did not order expensive drinks.

#2 Carry cold cash

If it’s a smaller group, or just with one to two persons, consider being ready with cash.  I realized that because I always paid with a credit card, others have used it as an excuse to make me pay first, or simply make me pay.  But when you put out cash, and it’s only enough for what you ordered, there’s less chance that you will have to pay more than your share.

#3 Have your eWallet ready

If for some reason your cash is not enough to cover your bill, offer to pay via eWallet transfer.  Remember, you are trying to avoid presenting your credit card which can be used to pay for the entire bill. Also, a growing number of eWallets today have a split bill feature that can conveniently request payment from users by just entering their mobile numbers.  

#4 Avoid picking the place

Unless you are ready to play host, let the others decide where the group will meet and dine.  Choosing the place sends the signal to some that you are recommending the restaurant and are open to paying the bill, if not most of it.  By letting the others choose, you are also giving them the chance to pick one that’s within everyone’s budget – not too shabby, not too chic, just right for their wallets.

#5 Set boundaries for your generosity

It’s possible that family and friends count on you to pay because you are doing better in life.  Even among friends and relatives, financial inequality is real and can hurt.  If you are making more money, it’s okay to share but learn to set boundaries too.  You are not their cash register.  When going out for a meal, you can say ahead if it’s your treat, and when it’s not.  You can also consider covering only a portion of the bill, like the first P5,000.  While you want them to feel good, you also deserve not to feel like you’re always hit by an armored cash van.